They aren't who they once were

Many could empathise with this, who is the person you once knew?

When your told a story sometimes if the person isn't dead if they are still living and they don't match that story and the person says to you "how am I meant to love a person, I don't even know or like anymore". Yet at the same time blaming themselves for the reason they are like this in the first place.

See many years ago, to many people's disbelief her brain was zapped to stop her from wanting to kill herself, relying in her eldest daughter for support during this time, she could see that her mother would commit the ultimate sin she would kill herself and leave a legacy. For her family, rather than seeing her mother do this she supported her having the depression gland in her brain to be terminated. Would you do the same? Knowing you had younger siblings knowing that if you didn't listen to doctors advice, psychologists advice that today we would be visiting a grave. 

She is a shell, she doesn't like me even though I am the one thing that holds her child up after and during these times of guilt. She has no filter and whilst she doesn't like my opinions, I use my mind, maybe this is what she fears most. 

My opinions stem from her own misuse of her children, no being able to connect on an emotional level or add the support they need, ignoring and enabling things and showing not by words but by actions there is a favourite in the mist.

I have kept quiet for sometime and I can't watch this destroy my partner because do the hurt, and the isolation to which she feels. What may seem a game to them a visious circle of denial we are the ones who suffer the most. You can't say a thing outloud because she will repeat it, why because she is fucked. And my opinion is if your going to hurt your own child and I'm the lover of that child you can't do it without having some kind of confrontation or conversation with someone who can see from the outside what's going on.

It's a shame people don't look at things from their own outside they would observe how stupid they look at times, I do it all the time. But even when I see what I have seen of myself it isn't that bad. I have morals and I'm loyal. I can not speak the same for others.

Family betrayal is the worst as it leaves damage in the wind, an empty feeling that a parent can leave a child is the worst feeling of all. Not feeling like you actually belong to them, if as a parent your going to pick a favourite don't say it outloud and do not allow your actions to portray your feelings.

When it comes to things I feel used and used badly. Being the first who will lend money or being the first to lend the ute. Yet having no one to help me when I need to collect wood to keep a baby warm. There seems to be no understanding and lots of ignorance happening that we do not understand. We can't make others think in a sensible way we have strong opinions, how dare we and no way. 

I am watching this destroy my partners feelings being here and maybe it's time to break with chains and move, find a place where home is home and no one else needs to be apart of our family. We intend on breaking the chains that have left us feeling alone and isolated as children. And they might not like this decision, but it needs to be made for us and our future as a family. My partner can't blame herself for not liking a person she is meant to. It's not her fault she can't see her own faults and won't change.

You can't be made to feel like shit and then be okay at the next family event, one of which we aren't invited to thanks to tax payer funded lap band surgery. Don't worry the weeding is soon. So after that she will be fat again by Christmas. Her failure is she still eats shit just smaller amounts of shit. She says we shouldn't feel special she treats everyone this way, now if this was your child who had children wouldn't you pull her aside and say something? Or would you just blame the educated child? 

You created this monster yet you enable it to get worse to use their children as weapons, even you are scared to say no, when she needs her free day care. Buying gifts doesn't make a grandma .. Ma it just proves that's all you can do. It scares me it should scare you, but you can not see this can you? You fail to see your own faults. 

You disrespected me when you talked behind my back, you disrespected the one person who has loved your child unconditionally. You ignore the fact I contribute. You ignore everything because all you see is what you want to see. Doesn't matter about me it matters about your child and if you can't see what your doing to her your more fucked than I thought. You best avoid me because all that happens when things come up, is another layer grows inside of me one that makes me want to confront and tell you how fucked you are and you don't like my opinions or what I say because what? They are true? Don't like your delusion being mixed up its best to continue to live the lie in your head as of it doesn't exist. But guess what it does, I might not be a bully enough for your daughter, maybe I'm not mental enough. Maybe I should be hitting her or controlling her or maybe I should just sign a prenup. Maybe you need to look at yourself and stop trying to analyse me because you know what you are way off track with me, you have no idea and you don't want to see it anyway, it would mess your delusion up. You need zapping again. One that zaps you back into reality because this fantasy you live right now is destroying your child emotionally. Who holds her when she is hurt? Me not you. 

You call me mental yet your on all the medication for mental stability. I have my mental state under control when one points fingers the way you have, I'm more concerned about you not me, but I'm more concerned about what you are doing to your daughter you know the one you pushed to get 100% in tests and when she got 99% you asked her where the other one percent was. You pushed one child not the others and look at them they have no qualifications, they have homes falling down. They don't even know the basics of how to do house keeping,  You can't even show your pride. 

Trust me on this one and I mean this loud and clear the chain stops and it breaks right here, you can't play games with my child's mother and think that your not playing games with my child as well. The time has come and I can't shut my mouth anymore the onion skin layers are peeled back now and the eye sting is coming. Never make a person feel low, especially your own beautiful intelligent child, treat the all equally and allow them all the tools to achieve, don't just throw expectations on one and not others. Be equal if you can't don't continue your garbage when you are 50 it's time, your half way, you could break these chains but your scared, your scared of the wrong person, I'm the one who will say something the other will use her children as a weapon, but your forgetting your the free baby sitter and you buy them shit. So you have done this yourself .. 

I doubt you will change but I wish I could have meet the person before not this one today. I don't like her much either, but I have to. I can't imagine that person being my mother.. 

Always

Always speak your mind, no matter how hurtful,or unkind.

Mistakes are made so we can learn.

Hurtful mistakes can make you crash and burn.

And when your the victim, you wonder when it's someone else's turn.

With sayings like "what comes around goes around".

Screwing with your head. 

It doesn't help when your the one lonely in your own head. 

Pain drives into ones heart, can make you crumble apart.

Wanting to die to be apart if something big like the sky.

Unwanted not needed and they will wonder why...

No hello, no call, nothing to say nothing. 

And when your left here your the one wondering why?

YESTERDAY I THOUGHG GODAY WOULD NEVER COME, BUT NOW ITS HERE, I WISH I HADNT WISHED IT AT ALL BECAUSE IT WENT AS FAST AS YESTERDAY AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED AT ALL.

Humble pie, lovers lie.

Humble pie, lovers lie,

Have you made it yet? 

Never breathe deep without you,

Escape yourself, find nothing.

Debt no wealth.

Is it the fear because your still near,

Tearing at this ratty soul.

Struggling daily , to avoid this broken heart,

Using the strongest glue.

My bleeding flesh, a day passes by.

You can shoot at the sky.

Mother Nature might shed a tear.

Your drought has already broken,

With waterfalls of tears.

Who do you want to be now?

Not even knowing where to start.

You, yourself tearing the world apart.

A disgrace always off ones face.

Escape it feels like a better place.

Like the high of live, slowly things change, 

As you start it come down.

Is it really worth it. Anyway?

Starting all over with humble pie,

Losing the love who was once was your life.

Don't look at the stars and cry.

Pick those feet up.

Next time I see you you won't know why,

I turned the other way it will be for humble pie.

I can't live with lies.

"SORRY IS A FIGURE OF SOMEONES IMAGINATION, THAT SORRY IS A WORD THAT MAKES EVERYTHING ALRIGHT" 

The dysfunctional life ..

How do families work? In this world today we all live with some kind of disfunction, it's a sad fact of life that many families have no connection to each other. 

We live in a world where bindies and thorns are not only in our grass but in our hearts. 

It is true that those who should accept us no matter what often make us feel the most isolated.

When you have children you see things differently you want a connection with those who should want a connection with you, in my life I have found that being accepted isn't the biggest problem, it's communication and lack of it, my own family can find me confronting, when they won't say things I'm the gun they load up and I'll shoot. Saying what may hurt, I have learnt what hurts others is often the truth. I have also learnt that on social media it's do as i say, listen to my opinion not Gina's. Such attacks on an individual can be distressing. We all deserve a right to defend ourselves. Or give our sides of a story. 

Sadly I'm not so deluded that I ignore my own intelligence and I often base things on facts or fairness because I don't like being wrong. I will speak words that will protect others just as vulnerable as my old self once was. My opinion and voice is something I have the ability to use unlike my body. Whilst people can sit sourly getting angry at me, I'm happy to unleash my troubles because I can't carry toxic things around inside. They hurt. 

A CERTAIN PROTECTION

Even though I have a sibling who wishes to ignore me I refuse to allow others to have a go at them. There will always be that loyalty there, even though you don't talk to me. You can bag me out with your lies and the story you are making up in your head about me, the reason you really dislike me is because is sent you an email that burst your bubble. And because you lack the ability to converse with me it won't be resolved and you will continue to make a story up about me asking you for money, I have your money but I am keeping it as compensation for your cruelty. All I wanted to do was be warm and you would kick me , call me a slut and a fucken little whore, I was 7. But I still protect you.

PURE IGNORANCE 

sadly children haven't been taught the same respect, enabling people to be arseholes doesn't help situations at all. Your children are that children and when adults are involved like aunties ,uncles even grand parents you are not a weapon and not should you use yourself as one. As pure as ignorance can be allowing children to ignore or be arseholes to people older than themselves is a terrible trait, it is adults who are parents who need to relay the parenting styles they wish returned to them, when you teach your children a behaviour such as being rude or ignorant to their elders, especially relatives you need yo give yourself a massive upper cut, you haven't only failed your children but also the society they live in by enabling such adults to behave in society. 

CAN WE GET PAST, THE PAST.

How dare we grow up just as our parents wanted us to, not be like others, to be yourself and then when you do your an outcast, school bullies create people they don't think so they think it's funny at the things they did, without realising the effects, and the effects can't be just left in the past, because they shape who you are or what you have become and achieved. When you lack confidence and self esteem you miss so many chances and opportunities to succeed. Unlike the bullies I have yet to forget you can't pick on someone every single day and expect them to move on, I didn't get that button nor that magic wand.

BEING DEPRESSED

Isn't it funny when you kill yourself everyone will say I wonder why.. They should have told me, I have and I have been ignored so my cries for help being ignored is just a s isolated as I feel in my daily life. Would I be missed, I doubt it, only 4 things would miss me and that's not enough, when you have more who should care, it's as though your cries for help are non existent so why care? Being in a Dark place hasn't been nice. I have been attacked by a person seeking popularity and attention no matter who they take down on their way to the club. Just because people agree with you it doesn't mean your right, it often means they are sheep and are too scared to rock the boat. You are all born with voices but fail to speak the truth or words that may get you unpopular with others who are involved in a toxic pool. You often need to think who is behind the screen and what's going on in their life, because people fail to visit face to face anymore, we are closing doors and pushing people away, and it's getting less personal each and everyday.

We are all so fucked and dysfunctional that it's becoming a fact in life that soon we won't have anyone beside us loneliness won't be a word it will be a state of life and mind. You won't have connections to humans we have lost it already, what we should live without , and what some of us want to live without like Facebook have created addicted monsters you can't talk to people on the phone or over a coffee anymore they have their faces often glued to a screen and wouldn't realise the skin cancer growing near your eye, they don't see the redness from the days you have cried, we need to step back and smash all of this that keeps us connected these days we need more hugs and conversations face to face. Before we lose all times of laughter and fun. Sad but true. The only reason I write this is because this is the only way your going to read it I was to say it, you might runaway like people in your day to day life not knowing what to say. Don't ignore the people you shouldn't because tomorrow could take them away .. 

Happiness is within

Many people are very unhappy. This doesn't mean we all need to be unhappy. Breaking unhappiness is one of the hardest things to break, just like living ones self it can be very hard to do. It is easier to be unhappy and down in the dumps then be chirpy and show your happiness to others. 

When we struggle with unhappiness we tend to drag others along this unhappy rapd we lead. A smile doesn't always need to be fake to get you through, peel use fake smiles every day think of the fake smile you gave across a room to a stranger. We do it so we don't have to sit there looking blank, smile rather than ignore, ill smile rather tha ignore that person across the room, maybe il know them from some where. 

We are transparent, our faces can flush colour, the colour will drain when something we hear isn't expected or worrying to others, when people have done wrong by others. And you confront them the colour will flush from their faces. Because you have made them face it themselves.

We aren't personal in this world anymore, we don't hold secrets well. We spread a word like a disease spreading through a population. But stories tend to grow as they get more momentum and more people get to attach wording to the story. So don't always believe on heresay. Heresay might come from 27 differing people whom have made the story a little better with a little fabrication. It's amazing how fabrication can make things look pretty or worse then they really are. 

Without fabrication no real good stories would be written nor would they be told. They would be hidden secrets, people would not learn, could they move forward or move on? Just because of a fabricated story? Seems today we needs to be lied to this way it won't interrupt our delusion or the lies we live by. Having to reajust the way we live can be a hard task. 

Any task is a hard as you make it, and the bigger the tool box the easier the job, in other words allow your kind to expend with lies and the truth. You can grow as a person through fabrication, your life can be a whole lie of you want it to be. Sometimes making something up in your mind can be much soothing and relaxing than living with the truth. TV shows have much to answer for unrealistic relationships. And high expectations romance. Not everything is a TV show, we would like our partners all to be like someone from our favourite movie. But let's be honest about how life really is, we all have our own roles to play in our own TV shows .  We write our own stories, every chapter has it's ups and downs like a drama, it's what we do with this drama.

Being unhappy in a relationship is one hard thing to change, but this all begins when we try to change the person we are with, this control isn't healthy. Look at your own relationship now are you happy? I mean do you like to spend time with your partner? You don't need to talk their company is enough, when your partner likes to do things and you don't, it's not fair not to compramise, lets say your partner likes to come home have a beer well you can't complain about that, some people really struggle with the hype that woke has attached to it. Does your partner stop you from having wine? So what's the problem, a few drinks at night was a big thing for many men, these days they come home and drink it's better for them to be able to be honest to you rather than lie, when you suppress a person your suppressing yourself and not allowing both of you to grow. If your relationship is like this it's toxic. If your partner is deciding what you wear or how you do you hair, your not good enough for them. A perfect person is a person you don't want to change in anyway, they come to you from the universe and you don't need anything else but yo hand that person nothing material will surpass the fact that some day you could be seperated by death.

Thinking a child will fix things has been a young woman's mistake that's been made since the start of time. You can never keep a man by having his child and if your relationship is shit to begin with why would you bring a child into the mix? Children aren't like dogs you can't throw them away, well you can of you don't have a conscience. To many people think a child is a weapon and use them that way, your child is no weapon, your child needs your guidance and support you are your child's role model in life and they need you to teach them wrongs and rights, many woman today are single mothers and they can't rely on the child's father, financially or emotionally. Don't answer questions with a negative response, give yourself the time to be honest to your children, always answer with when I find out the facts I'll tell you, remember you can never really answer for another. Why doesn't daddy visit me? You can't answer this, is it because he doesn't love me? You can't answer this question you need to tell your child that you can't answer questions for others and the importance of always communicating their feelings through words or writing. 

Have you ever given your child a pen and asked them what they feel? Many children can't express their feelings because you have never expressed your own. 

Love has so many means so teach your children all of them but the most important love of all is to love yourself. 

Men out there also make wonderful fathers so if you have a wonderful father out there embrace him and thank him for being a part of your child's life. Even if you are not with them and they do their job thank them, dragging children through family court aren't really in the best interests of the child, take a moment to think. Is it worth the hassles? To get his super or to put him on a poverty line because he hurt you had? It's not okay. If a father wants to see their child they will drive for miles they won't fight a parent who is providing a loving environment with opportunities. Just because you want to hurt your ex is it worth hurting your children too? No amount of money you have when your child is 17 will help their mental status when they are feeling torn and depressed. Distructive behaviour like this is dangerous and your child deserves every opportunity to succeed and you the role models need to be there. 

Being a father doesn't mean you made the baby. Just because you had a fuck one night doesn't mean your capable of looking after children so of you are selfish and not ready for this in this day and age there are a lot of ways to protect yourself, if you want to sleep around do it, just do it safely. What a father is, they listen to their child's needs you don't need to buy your child the best bike or the biggest Easter egg. Your time is what makes you a father, being their to show your children the way. Holding their hand and sometimes being a father means you don't even need to be a man. You just need to have that hand. 

When you feel sad many people need to emotionally detach from things and step out and look at things as a person from the outside. When we see things when we are angry or emotional we don't make rational decisions. When if we took a moment to see things as others we would see them in a practical way. When you can give others advice it's time to take your own, look in the mirror and talk to yourself, you don't have to agree you just have to talk to yourself, when you see yourself things will make sense and don't be surprised if you laugh so hard you wet yourself, because seeing things can be humerous and it can be a great way to heal.

To many people get stuck, we are meant to live longer so why are we cutting ourselves off short, we not often get things like opportunities given to us and many of us who do waste them, you hate your job or can't get a job? Well what do you want to do? To many people seem to think things fall out if the sky, that's only for the fortunate. And often those of you who sit silent doing your work will never be noticed for higher roles, why allow the hardest worker a position of power then may move away. No good manager has friends at work. Think of those you have worked for in climbing a ladder at work you won't make friends so if you want to keep others happy just stay where you are, don't allow yourself to be so loyal that you won't change or look for something better, it's always out there but you need to take the steps to do it, these days we all need a qualification so get yourself qualified and don't even think twice about it , famous saying can be oh but it's going to take z4 years those four years are coming anyway so why not use them to better yourself. Pick something you have never heard if before, you will find that your brain is a sponge and loves new things we just don't allow ourselves to do anything new because we are familar with what we do. Never burn bridges, when you leave a job give notice and always keep the door open, of my job is still going and it doesn't work out can I come back, those bosses who know the work you do will either offer you something better or keep your seat open. You can get any job if you have good references so make yourself known at work, and make your mark, the world owes you nothing so if you have your hand out one day a rock will fall from the sky and chop them off, your happiness at work can mean ,any things will fall into place. 

You need to take the steps now to stop your unhappiness, we aren't all depressed we are often all just stuck and to many times we just let things pass us by, we don't give ourselves the credit and we don't allow ourselves to try, why would the universe provide you with anything when you won't change anything? Tomorrow starts with you, today was the day you thought about it tomorrow you will slap the faces if all of your negative voices in your head and you will find your ultimate place it's called happiness. 

Can you see a future,

In life we tend to think too much of the here and the now we think of ourselves. We all strive to give our children the best education and health but we do not think of their future prospects. Often we are living in the now and we forget our industry may not exist in ten or twenty years time.

Does it matter? Some people don't want to think ten years ahead but let's be honest many of us will be here in ten years and this maybe very different for us, our shoes may change many times, we may lose a loved one our jobs. Things happen that change our paths. We can all sob and be sad or we can look for something bigger, that may be for us as well as our children. Failure to do so is just leaving our children to be deemed "dole bludgers" not by their own choice by the worlds demand. 

Not all children will be born equal many have to try harder to be what they are passionate about, this stage in our lives in this country Australia we should be concerned about what our children will have as companies continue to go offshore. 

Some children won't go to university they don't have that desire or passion to, some just want to be plumbers and mechanics. These days with manufacturing dying within our country where will these children obtain this work? In the mining industry?how will this happen when the family man needs these jobs? Mining only works in towns when all the money is spent in the town, not when they travel 45 minutes away to buy fruit and veg or clothing. Things can be ordered, people aren't patient we want things now, yet when you order something off the Internet you wait patiently then as it comes through the post. Why can you not do the same when it comes to local business?

Having a vision is not selfish it's a part of life. I would love to see everyone have a fair go as once was ment to be the case as the Australian way. Where was this lost?

When people vote to stop boats and when our government put fear in to people because of what someone wears this is not just, nor is it justified in a fair country. 

Where has the spirit gone where we help each other out when someone is down on their luck? Or have we all become so selfish that we don't think about others, it's about how much money we can put in to our own accounts. Is it about showing everyone how fancy your car is. Or that you have purchased a house in some flash estate, you can't take this with you when you die, so why the need to build wealth? For our children to waste? Often this is the case, many children whom have walked in to generations of business these days will opt to sell and sit on the beach, whilst their fathers before them worked hard with this dream to have this business pass through the family. 

I can't save the world , I can't save anything when people are so against me, I have compassion and vision, this maybe because I don't have a mobile phone and maybe because all my conversation isn't through a text message. I prefer to talk you know communication. Your grand parents will know about this so ask them what it's like to know another by face not by a screen name. I'm not popular but I'm not here to be popular I'm here to provoke your ways of thinking. Agree or not you will have to think about it, it may make you angry or it may make you agree. Bit either way it's about doing this. And getting you away from a phone or the Internet and to look at things for what they are.

Have you ever looked and noticed how much everything has changed? You couldn't have noticed that things like newspapers aren't here anymore as much as they once were. People will go online to read the latest news. That was my trade book binding, books are on creek now days , you don't get to smell the glue or the paper, you have your dirty fingers scrolling through each page. You can't read your notebook when the battery is flat a book never goes flat. It's full of knowledge and education. It could be a love story a biography or a scientific journal about food. But no matter what it is it was written to be read, much as books were bound to be read. 

One day people will want old fashioned as we have become so out of touch with each other we take people the wrong way because of the way they type. Some people are just blunt and honest. Can you remember growing up and your parents just wanting to be yourself, why is it when we become adults we are expecting people to follow thoughts like sheep. 

The beauty of being an adult is forming your own opinions and thoughts they may differ from your parents teachings. They may have evolved. Big thinkers made big changes in the world. We don't think anymore our thoughts are often a come back on social media to a thoughtless attack on your intelligence or compassion for another. 

When you have someone thinking rather than them just leaving it and having those thoughts they will attack you personally. Yet of they were attacked in ten same way it would hurt them just as it has hurt you. 

Would it hurt if people took a moment to walk in someone else's shoes? 

Could you? 

When is privacy not privacy?

In this day where people use all for,s of technology to communicate, it can bring the good and the bad out in all humans. We see people differ in opinions rather than walk away their is always someone who is out there to "get you". 

I'm yet to understand why or what kind of satisfaction one would get out of doing that.

I believe it is someone who really dislikes themselves, so rather than fix their own problems they find it easier to Erupt and cause problems for others.

People seem to never take responsibly for their actions anymore. They believe being spiteful of having that upper hand will allow them some freedom within themselves.

I don't understand how someone can hate yourself that much that you can't fix yourself?

I don't believe in hating people. I dislike those who fuck with me and I allow the goodness of the universe to fuck back using its mite, where karma can inflict a person but nothing with the toxic venom they carry within.

I don't understand how someone can hate others, I think hate is a horrible thing. I find it repulsive when humans talk about their ex partners stalking them photo shopping everything they write, walk away let it go if you have to stalk your ex maybe you should actually be dating them rather than hurting the one you are with.

This is how I e come to privacy, Facebook has account settings that allow every individual to lock their account this allows privacy, when a person writes on their wall and if the persons wall is secure and for friends only to read it is a pure betrayal to screen shot and share with a stranger. This can do damage. If its on a personal private wall no one has a right to ask others to do it for them. I have found myself stuck in a world where I am thrown in to others bullshit bit when it comes to people actually standing up for me they seem to betray me.

When others allow a young person who is spite full maybe because they think I live a great life, maybe I do, maybe I am really lucky that I like myself.

Even without my filter I can enjoy who I am, it's almost like there is one set of rules for you and another set for me. I believe in equality and I believe in freedom. I believe we are all born with a brain and no opinion is ever really right but I can believe in what I do without fear of having my privacy attacked.

I am at home whilst others are able to protect themselves I have to sit here and wait. Funny how the dual can utes stopped stalking but the other hasn't.

Really I must fucken make people think? Why else would others dislike what I say take a personal offence to it? Unless they have no moral standing in this world, if they believe the world owes them something often this is the case.

I have seen this first hand in my own family so I know it exists. 

When bitterness and betrayal happen its can only burn the person who inflicted the bite. The bite may take a while to come back and bite you but it will.

I will forever be who I am I was born this way, personality and all. I don't rely on my looks I don't rely on money I don't rely in friends I rely on me.. 

I will forever protect my privacy even if others do not respect my wish to do so..

GLN