We live in a world where bindies and thorns are not only in our grass but in our hearts.
It is true that those who should accept us no matter what often make us feel the most isolated.
When you have children you see things differently you want a connection with those who should want a connection with you, in my life I have found that being accepted isn't the biggest problem, it's communication and lack of it, my own family can find me confronting, when they won't say things I'm the gun they load up and I'll shoot. Saying what may hurt, I have learnt what hurts others is often the truth. I have also learnt that on social media it's do as i say, listen to my opinion not Gina's. Such attacks on an individual can be distressing. We all deserve a right to defend ourselves. Or give our sides of a story.
Sadly I'm not so deluded that I ignore my own intelligence and I often base things on facts or fairness because I don't like being wrong. I will speak words that will protect others just as vulnerable as my old self once was. My opinion and voice is something I have the ability to use unlike my body. Whilst people can sit sourly getting angry at me, I'm happy to unleash my troubles because I can't carry toxic things around inside. They hurt.
A CERTAIN PROTECTION
Even though I have a sibling who wishes to ignore me I refuse to allow others to have a go at them. There will always be that loyalty there, even though you don't talk to me. You can bag me out with your lies and the story you are making up in your head about me, the reason you really dislike me is because is sent you an email that burst your bubble. And because you lack the ability to converse with me it won't be resolved and you will continue to make a story up about me asking you for money, I have your money but I am keeping it as compensation for your cruelty. All I wanted to do was be warm and you would kick me , call me a slut and a fucken little whore, I was 7. But I still protect you.
PURE IGNORANCE
sadly children haven't been taught the same respect, enabling people to be arseholes doesn't help situations at all. Your children are that children and when adults are involved like aunties ,uncles even grand parents you are not a weapon and not should you use yourself as one. As pure as ignorance can be allowing children to ignore or be arseholes to people older than themselves is a terrible trait, it is adults who are parents who need to relay the parenting styles they wish returned to them, when you teach your children a behaviour such as being rude or ignorant to their elders, especially relatives you need yo give yourself a massive upper cut, you haven't only failed your children but also the society they live in by enabling such adults to behave in society.
CAN WE GET PAST, THE PAST.
How dare we grow up just as our parents wanted us to, not be like others, to be yourself and then when you do your an outcast, school bullies create people they don't think so they think it's funny at the things they did, without realising the effects, and the effects can't be just left in the past, because they shape who you are or what you have become and achieved. When you lack confidence and self esteem you miss so many chances and opportunities to succeed. Unlike the bullies I have yet to forget you can't pick on someone every single day and expect them to move on, I didn't get that button nor that magic wand.
BEING DEPRESSED
Isn't it funny when you kill yourself everyone will say I wonder why.. They should have told me, I have and I have been ignored so my cries for help being ignored is just a s isolated as I feel in my daily life. Would I be missed, I doubt it, only 4 things would miss me and that's not enough, when you have more who should care, it's as though your cries for help are non existent so why care? Being in a Dark place hasn't been nice. I have been attacked by a person seeking popularity and attention no matter who they take down on their way to the club. Just because people agree with you it doesn't mean your right, it often means they are sheep and are too scared to rock the boat. You are all born with voices but fail to speak the truth or words that may get you unpopular with others who are involved in a toxic pool. You often need to think who is behind the screen and what's going on in their life, because people fail to visit face to face anymore, we are closing doors and pushing people away, and it's getting less personal each and everyday.
We are all so fucked and dysfunctional that it's becoming a fact in life that soon we won't have anyone beside us loneliness won't be a word it will be a state of life and mind. You won't have connections to humans we have lost it already, what we should live without , and what some of us want to live without like Facebook have created addicted monsters you can't talk to people on the phone or over a coffee anymore they have their faces often glued to a screen and wouldn't realise the skin cancer growing near your eye, they don't see the redness from the days you have cried, we need to step back and smash all of this that keeps us connected these days we need more hugs and conversations face to face. Before we lose all times of laughter and fun. Sad but true. The only reason I write this is because this is the only way your going to read it I was to say it, you might runaway like people in your day to day life not knowing what to say. Don't ignore the people you shouldn't because tomorrow could take them away ..
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