When your told a story sometimes if the person isn't dead if they are still living and they don't match that story and the person says to you "how am I meant to love a person, I don't even know or like anymore". Yet at the same time blaming themselves for the reason they are like this in the first place.
See many years ago, to many people's disbelief her brain was zapped to stop her from wanting to kill herself, relying in her eldest daughter for support during this time, she could see that her mother would commit the ultimate sin she would kill herself and leave a legacy. For her family, rather than seeing her mother do this she supported her having the depression gland in her brain to be terminated. Would you do the same? Knowing you had younger siblings knowing that if you didn't listen to doctors advice, psychologists advice that today we would be visiting a grave.
She is a shell, she doesn't like me even though I am the one thing that holds her child up after and during these times of guilt. She has no filter and whilst she doesn't like my opinions, I use my mind, maybe this is what she fears most.
My opinions stem from her own misuse of her children, no being able to connect on an emotional level or add the support they need, ignoring and enabling things and showing not by words but by actions there is a favourite in the mist.
I have kept quiet for sometime and I can't watch this destroy my partner because do the hurt, and the isolation to which she feels. What may seem a game to them a visious circle of denial we are the ones who suffer the most. You can't say a thing outloud because she will repeat it, why because she is fucked. And my opinion is if your going to hurt your own child and I'm the lover of that child you can't do it without having some kind of confrontation or conversation with someone who can see from the outside what's going on.
It's a shame people don't look at things from their own outside they would observe how stupid they look at times, I do it all the time. But even when I see what I have seen of myself it isn't that bad. I have morals and I'm loyal. I can not speak the same for others.
Family betrayal is the worst as it leaves damage in the wind, an empty feeling that a parent can leave a child is the worst feeling of all. Not feeling like you actually belong to them, if as a parent your going to pick a favourite don't say it outloud and do not allow your actions to portray your feelings.
When it comes to things I feel used and used badly. Being the first who will lend money or being the first to lend the ute. Yet having no one to help me when I need to collect wood to keep a baby warm. There seems to be no understanding and lots of ignorance happening that we do not understand. We can't make others think in a sensible way we have strong opinions, how dare we and no way.
I am watching this destroy my partners feelings being here and maybe it's time to break with chains and move, find a place where home is home and no one else needs to be apart of our family. We intend on breaking the chains that have left us feeling alone and isolated as children. And they might not like this decision, but it needs to be made for us and our future as a family. My partner can't blame herself for not liking a person she is meant to. It's not her fault she can't see her own faults and won't change.
You can't be made to feel like shit and then be okay at the next family event, one of which we aren't invited to thanks to tax payer funded lap band surgery. Don't worry the weeding is soon. So after that she will be fat again by Christmas. Her failure is she still eats shit just smaller amounts of shit. She says we shouldn't feel special she treats everyone this way, now if this was your child who had children wouldn't you pull her aside and say something? Or would you just blame the educated child?
You created this monster yet you enable it to get worse to use their children as weapons, even you are scared to say no, when she needs her free day care. Buying gifts doesn't make a grandma .. Ma it just proves that's all you can do. It scares me it should scare you, but you can not see this can you? You fail to see your own faults.
You disrespected me when you talked behind my back, you disrespected the one person who has loved your child unconditionally. You ignore the fact I contribute. You ignore everything because all you see is what you want to see. Doesn't matter about me it matters about your child and if you can't see what your doing to her your more fucked than I thought. You best avoid me because all that happens when things come up, is another layer grows inside of me one that makes me want to confront and tell you how fucked you are and you don't like my opinions or what I say because what? They are true? Don't like your delusion being mixed up its best to continue to live the lie in your head as of it doesn't exist. But guess what it does, I might not be a bully enough for your daughter, maybe I'm not mental enough. Maybe I should be hitting her or controlling her or maybe I should just sign a prenup. Maybe you need to look at yourself and stop trying to analyse me because you know what you are way off track with me, you have no idea and you don't want to see it anyway, it would mess your delusion up. You need zapping again. One that zaps you back into reality because this fantasy you live right now is destroying your child emotionally. Who holds her when she is hurt? Me not you.
You call me mental yet your on all the medication for mental stability. I have my mental state under control when one points fingers the way you have, I'm more concerned about you not me, but I'm more concerned about what you are doing to your daughter you know the one you pushed to get 100% in tests and when she got 99% you asked her where the other one percent was. You pushed one child not the others and look at them they have no qualifications, they have homes falling down. They don't even know the basics of how to do house keeping, You can't even show your pride.
Trust me on this one and I mean this loud and clear the chain stops and it breaks right here, you can't play games with my child's mother and think that your not playing games with my child as well. The time has come and I can't shut my mouth anymore the onion skin layers are peeled back now and the eye sting is coming. Never make a person feel low, especially your own beautiful intelligent child, treat the all equally and allow them all the tools to achieve, don't just throw expectations on one and not others. Be equal if you can't don't continue your garbage when you are 50 it's time, your half way, you could break these chains but your scared, your scared of the wrong person, I'm the one who will say something the other will use her children as a weapon, but your forgetting your the free baby sitter and you buy them shit. So you have done this yourself ..
I doubt you will change but I wish I could have meet the person before not this one today. I don't like her much either, but I have to. I can't imagine that person being my mother..
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