We all try and find something in life to connect us to something it maybe our partner our families or even our job, we all have dreams and desires but sometimes we get so stuck with what's going on we forget to look and see the future. We all have one think about it, this moment we live now will become a memory a lesson you will learn something from. It may make you distant it may do nothing, but it won't continue,
I believe everyone in a time of their life they have felt alone, isolated and sad, some more than others. In society it's a struggle to find you place to be accepted for what ever you become, you come into a world and people love you unconditionally, they have these dreams for you, they try and instil their thoughts and opinions in you , and then you grow up and form your own, and it may differ from theirs but it's doesn't mean it's wrong. There are many differneces between being wrong and right. It's how you perceive things. Some can see things with open eyes and an open mind others just use one or the other and don't change their ignorance.
Not everyone is right even if you say something, it may not be what another thinks but at the end of the day where was it we learn things? Our parents in the old days teachers didn't have the responsibly to teach your children how to read, remember when parents read a book before bed? I don't really remember it but I like to pretend I did receive this in my life, but considering my reading level is so poor I doubt it, it may just be that dream I have or that thing I wished for, sometimes we can convince ourselves we had something that we didn't,
Our childhood and forever in your life your family are this part of it, whilst they will bicker and turn against you they will expect you to pull a seat up at the Christmas table and chew the food with a smile. If a friend treated people the way some families treat them you wouldn't go back for more. When you are pushed out your out. You know your young too have to fight in the end. Regardless I am still my fathers daughter and it was he he worked hard to provide for us. We always owned a home, we always had food. We just didn't have that thing that every kid wants time with their parents, learning things, the only real communication I remember is being told I was stupid. Or it could have been a good day and how that girl on the hockey field was a hog and I should have played a game or whatever,
Maybe I expect to much. But a family is this model of people who allow a person to grow and thrive into adults productive adults, the more you seperate yourself from them the more you have a risk that, your child will miss out. But it is them who miss out when they don't visit.
I wonder now when I will see happiness and this will go away? But questioning my grief is like questioning why the trees grow the way they do. Grief is something I have felt since the day my father died and all connection was lost. I don't know who is lying anymore or telling the truth, I can only make decisions on what's happening and what I see and this, what I see is a disgusting display of how to love a child forever. Does a parent hit an age and stop caring or did they not care all along?
Every single mountain has a place that's hard to climb it's like life every situation has emotion attached to it, you can come out scar free or you can come out damaged as well, we get both. We can't have one without the othwr, forgive and forget? You can't you have feelings this is when you know you have a heart and you care when it hurts and you can see that you have been set up like a stupid puppet.
Maybe this is just a practice run for the next life, where I will pick better family not just go yup that will do, is it so I can come back count my losses and not need to wait for others to cross my way? Who knows I guess I'll let you know the day I die....
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